Mark Pollard

“Comedy is fueled by oppression: by the lack of power, by sadness and disappointment, by abandonment and humiliation. Now who the hell does that describe more than women? “

"Give a man a gun, he'll rob a bank. Give a man a bank, he'll rob the world."

Tyrell Wellick

"I'm going to find it and I'm going to destroy it. I don't know how yet. Possibly with dynamite."

Steve Zissou

"I love you, but you don't know what you're talking about."

Sam

"Something cockeyed about this guy. Who carries around another man's hankie?"

Eli Thompson

"I love you too, but I'm gonna to mace you in the face."

Jack

"Personally, Veda's convinced me that alligators have the right idea. They eat their young."

Ida

"All the people who stayed here and pretended it never happened, they're asleep and they need to wake up now."

Wayne

"We're navigators, we're aviators, eatin' taters, masturbatin' alligators, bombardiers, we got no fears, won't shed no tears, we're pushin' the frontiers of transcendental perception."

Dr. Robert

The two cardinal rules of producing. One: Never put your own money in the show.  And two? Never put your own money in the show!

Max Bialystock

"There are nearly thirteen million people in the world. None of those people is an extra. They're all the leads of their own stories. They have to be given their due."

Caden Cotard

'"His gravity leavens the silliness of morning TV, making for an incongruous but somehow perfect match. Turns out that after forty years in the business, the real Mike Pomeroy has arrived." Not bad.'

Becky Fuller

"Abs don't tell the world you're healthy. They tell the world you're one Twinkie away from killing yourself." 

Thomas Payne

Director's Drawings

Roy Rodgers

Gargoyles

"I just passed up a fortune because I believe in the future, and this prick wants to bitch about time frames? The time is now! Today. This very fuckin' minute!"

Richie Finestra